c.d. nügstedt

O Antiphon

2010-12-31T11:30:00.000-08:00

Over the past month or so, a few of us at the Gathering have written our own versions of the seven medieval chants. Traditionally they were sung in order in the seven days that precede Christmas.

Recently at church we have taken the same scripture verses and put them to song with an emphasis on the "O's". We also gave a loose translation on the scripture in order to fit into song form. The verses are all from the book of Isaiah and prophetically portray Jesus. Thematically each verse makes for a good basis to create a song of worship. The word Oh has no meaning but is rather an emotional expression that at least for me assisted in the worship wholistically.

Check them out. Pastor Phil wrote #1-3, Jonathan #5, myself #4, 6 and Jodi wrote #7 which unfortunately is not available just yet. The lyrics are as follows:

O SAPIENTIA (Is. 11:2-3; 28:29)
O Wisdom, you come forth from the mouth of the Most High.
You fill the universe and hold all things together
in a strong yet gentle way.
O Wisdom, now come to teach us the way of truth.

O ADONAI (Is. 11:4-5; 33:22)
O Adonai and leader of Israel,
you appeared to Moses in a burning bush
and you gave him the Law on the Holy Mount.
O come and save us with your mighty power.

O RADIX JESSE (Is. 11:1, 10)
O stock of Jesse, you stand as a signal for the nations;
kings fall silent before you whom the people acclaim.
O come to deliver us, and do not delay.

O CLAVIS DAVID (Is. 9:6; 22:22)
O key of David and scepter of Israel,
what you close or open no one can undo.
O come and lead us from shackles to freedom.
For too long we’ve dwelt in the dark shadow of death.

O ORIENS (Is. 9:1)
O Rising Sun, you are the splendor of eternal light
and the sun of justice.
O come and enlighten those who sit in darkness
and in the shadow of death.

O REX GENTIUM (Is. 2:4; 9:5)
O King whom all the people desire,
you are the cornerstone that makes us one.
O come and save man whom you made from clay.

O EMMANUEL (Is. 7:14)
O Emmanuel, you’re our king and judge,
the One whom the peoples await and their Savior.
O come and save us, Lord, our God.

A Top 10 List of Christmas Albums

2010-12-18T07:42:00.000-08:00

Here is my list of albums. Not songs. There are countless wonderful songs out there but here I'm concerned solely with craftwork of an album. A song has parts which makes a whole, so does an album. I like to think of an album as having just as much attention, or close to, given to it's completion as a song gets to have. In a world of random playlists and eternally streaming internet radio stations like pandora I want to give special tribute to the artistry of album compilations, Christmas style. So in partially particular order I give you these.

YoYo Ma – Songs of Joy & Peace
In this collaboration of artists brought together by YoYo Ma you will find an eclectic collage of classical, jazz, easy listening, folk, traditional and other musical traditions that span the globe. I had high expectations when I purchased the CD and was a little disappointed in my first couple of listens but sure enough it grew on me. Among my favorites are ‘My favorite things’ which features Chris Botti, ‘The Wassail Song’ performed by Chris Thile and Edgar Meyer and ‘The Wexford Carol’ sung by Alison Krauss.

Jewel – Joy: A Holiday Collection
Take caution, there is cheese located in certain parts of this album. Fortunately for her, she has a voice and style of playing that has a wide range and matches Christmas very well. The songs quickly become likable. Tracks to give special attention to are Winter Wonderland, Ave Maria and oh Holy Night.

Bela Fleck & the Flecktones – Jingle all the way
Think of your genius musician friend. Now think of your genius musician friend who just had three cups of spiked egg nog at a yuletide party. This is what Jingle all the way sounds like. There is my all time favorite version of Sleigh Bells and on the 12 days of Christmas which is the easiest song to play they make it the most confusing by assigning each day with it’s own style of music, time signature and key. And on songs like Danse of the Sugar Plum Fairy (which sounds like the name of a Bela Fleck tune anyways) they give a solid performance. Perhaps the strangest part is in the beginning of the album where a tuvan throat singer leads Jingle Bells. Listen to this when you’re in a wacky mood only.

Third Day – Christmas Offerings
This is one of my favorite holiday albums from the christian contemporary music scene. Third Day has always been one of my favorites and this is one of their best albums. It’s energetic without having that plastic pop component. Just like their other “Offering Albums”, there is an element of live worship mixed with studio tracks.

Steven Pasero – Christmas Classics for Guitar
Obviously the most traditional of my top ten. Nothing can really replace the beauty of classical guitar playing christmas sounds.

Sojourn – Advent Songs
I recently came across this album. They’re a church band from Kentucky with excellent taste and superb artistry. Even though only eight songs, this shorter album is worth it. Advent Songs is split between originals and traditionals. My favorites include their arrangement of Joy to the World, and the originals, God is with us and Amen, Amen.

Johnny Cash – The Christmas Spirit
You know the feeling when it’s late at night and all the lights in the house are off except the Christmas lights. You peak outside and hear nothing but a quiet stillness to suddenly notice the snow begin to fall. That’s what I feel when I listen to this album. There’s a calm and warm vintage vibe here. With baritone lullabies and storytelling, Johnny Cash is backed up by the sounds of a small reverberated choir ooing and aaing, an old electric organ with vibrato and of course his usual back-up band sound. If you never liked Johnny Cash, this piece might convert you.

Jars of Clay – Christmas Songs
This is not for the hard core Christmas Carol traditionalist nor those of you who only enjoy the first album or two that Jars of Clay put out. They certainly mess around with beloved songs like O, little town of Bethlehem and make something that sounds completely different yet (and this is what I find fascinating) keep the song’s original vibe. There are also unexpected covers such as Paul McCartney’s ‘Wonderful Christmastime’ and Charlie Brown’s ‘Christmastime is here’. There is a flow throughout all fifteen songs which is something I highly value. The pervading feeling is one that exudes a transcendent frostiness all the while hanging on to cheer.

Vince Guaraldi – A Charlie Brown Christmas
Who doesn’t like this album? It’s timeless.

Over the Rhine – Snow Angels
Cram together a Christmas Gilmore Girls episode with Ray Lamontagne as a woman and you’ve got Snow Angels. Well kind of. Melissa and I saw these guys live last December so they played most of this album in their set list. They were phenomenal. In twelve songs, almost every emotion is touched upon and a wide range of music style is heard without losing a cohesive feel throughout. Also, even though this is fully Christmas in spirit I can get away with playing it all throughout the year.

HONORABLE MENTION –

Sufjan Stevens
Songs for Christmas
42 songs of confusingly awesome uniqueness.. or was it 52 songs?

Loreena McKennit
A midwinter’s night dream
it sounds like it what it says.

Over the Rhine
The darkest night of the year
If they made two Christmas albums (this one is the first) you know they’re serious about Christmas. And seriously good at it too.

Thoughts for this Advent

2010-12-13T15:39:00.000-08:00

This Christmas season I am a little more sane than usual. Despite being one of my favorite holidays, Christmas has been a time in which I was inevitably spread so thin and emotionally spent. It was always hard for me to complain about this out loud for fear of being seen as ungrateful for the blessing of having such a large and loving family between Melissa and myself.

Could I be closer to Christ while observing Advent? I suppose so. But that hurried, anxious spirit that makes God feel distant (even though he wasn't for the most part)is no longer around and I can see and sense the presence of Christ this Advent with a greater level of clarity than perhaps ever. If this is true then this I know will be my favorite present that I receive. On a side note I am also uber Christmasy this year.

My family loves me and I receive a ton of gifts both for my birthday and Christmas.
Every year it seems that by Thanksgiving I'm probably finishing opening the last of my Birthday gifts and I do so bloated with food because I have stuffed my face all day long only to find myself being asked by loved ones at the end of the day what stuff I want for Christmas. At moments like those I wish I could be like my Grandparents who in the twilight years of their lives tell everyone to not give them anything for Christmas but rather give to a charity of their choosing. Of course for them there is logic in not acquiring any more stuff and it's always sad to think about that fully. Me, I have no excuse. So for now I must indulge and this is the first year I don't feel so bad doing so.

I believe My challenge for this Advent and the coming new year is to creatively and exponentially multiply my blessings with cheerfulness and open hands. How that is supposed to look like I couldn't say right now. Lord help me.

New Home

2009-09-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

My wife and I bought a house a couple months ago. Spent a few months looking for it. We get to sink our roots deep down. The fact that we are taking care of plants gives evidence to our intention of staying in one place for a very long time. Praise God.

this is my new life

2009-05-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

"Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own.

16-20Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you.

21How? you ask. In Christ. God put the wrong on him who never did anything wrong, so we could be put right with God."

end of second corinthians, fifth chapter. the message.

Breaking the Silence

2009-04-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

Inspiration seems to happen at the most inopportune of times. Whenever I come up with a melody or a line of lyrics that I like I'm right in the thick of some type of work or whatever. Is this creative frustration or is creativity just building up within until the right time? ...I hope it's the latter and I guess that could get frustrating so really it's both. Fortunately for me my brain works to where I forget something for a matter of months and then out of no where remember it again.

the resolve to recycle

2009-02-20T17:34:00.000-08:00

January 1st was the first day in which the city of Salem enforced a new trash rule. Instead of unlimited trash, every household and business is now limited in their amount of waste. I will spare the mundane amounts but it is significant to mention that there is no limit to how much everyone can recycle. The newly enforced law became the city’s biggest complaint for the month of January. It’s February now and it took me this long but I have adapted from being a complainer to an avid recycler, even in the stamp shop that I work at we are stepping up and making a huge effort in sorting out the recycling. I’ve been busy modifying my wasteful behavior…and my attitude. Times are changing.

winter ~ christmas

2008-12-28T20:48:00.000-08:00

Glimpsing into Darkness, Chasing the Light

2008-12-10T16:30:00.000-08:00

Darkness and Light come hand in hand. Neither is inherently evil, despite popular opinion which overwhelmingly would equate darkness with evil. I see light as close a symbol as possible to knowledge, revelation or sight.

Genesis 1:1-5
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day.

According to scripture, darkness is neither good nor bad. It just is. Someone who has seen the light, or is shedding light, or is looking to have some light shed on something they are curious about may have good intentions. Soon enough, without true humility, deceit and pride sets in. In trying to become like God we divide light and darkness as we see fit, hiding what we don’t want others to see in the darkness of secrecy and parading noble things of ours in the light. God calls us to do the opposite; to hide our deeds of light in the dark and expose our deeds of darkness in the light. Though this is not always the case

Matthew 5:14-16
You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Because this is not always true I would argue against the correctness of the yin-yang which claims everything is balanced, including darkness and light. Another reason is because once something is known personally it is always known and darkness cannot re-enter to bring balance. Light is most certainly stronger though it is not always predictable. God can see places that are illumined and places that are in darkness. Nothing is hidden from Him. Knowing this brings me comfort and helps me to relieve any fears I may have of darkness. This knowledge is a part of what I call salvation.

Light is a creation of God’s or a creative act of His that brings knowledge in a communicative way. This relational light of God’s is always there and cannot be uncreated though it can move and be elusive, almost fluid like. Try holding light in your hand. Once you close your fist the light is gone. Thus, the light shines upon those who are curious but not controlling, open not closed. Anyone who is willing to be passive while actively seeking the Light will accept and embrace the ebb and flow of darkness and light. This is what the path of salvation will look like. Night and day, summer and winter. The seasons of light and dark are put into place according to God’s wisdom and love.

If Coldplay could fly

2008-12-06T18:11:00.000-08:00

I thought this was very interesting.

the auto bailout

2008-11-11T17:58:00.000-08:00

This I read in the New York Times - “Emergency assistance to the automobile industry would be conditioned on executive compensation restrictions, a prohibition on golden parachutes, rigorous independent oversight, and other taxpayer protections to ensure that any companies that benefit from this assistance — and not the taxpayers — bear the full burden of repaying any costs that are incurred,” Ms. Pelosi said.

“It is essential for the domestic automobile manufacturing industry to re-emerge as a global, competitive leader in fuel efficiency and in new, path-breaking energy-efficient technologies that protect our environment. For the automobile industry to be truly viable, it must continue to move in this direction.”

If our tax money is going to bailout millions of hard working men and women (the good part) and the super rich(the not so good part) then the government should go all the way in stepping in and make it a law that from now on, all production and engineering be done with hybrid/green technology or atleast move towards it in fast-forward motion. No matter how much I dislike this economic bailout, this is a chance for the government to do a good deed. That's all assuming that part of the 700 billion bailout package goes towards the auto industry. We'll see I guess.

In Loving Memory

2008-09-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

As the light of day grew shorter and dim,
so it was with you.
The cold came stronger with every visit and
the angst of the coming night was upon us all.
But when it came the scare was just a bluff
and death was swallowed up.

Even still, I miss you.

1918 - 2008

AIG

2008-09-17T15:33:00.000-07:00

President?

2008-09-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not sure what I think. I'm paying as much attention as I can stand and I still don't fully understand. Who should I vote for? I've watched in part the conventions and considered them almost as mature and/or interesting as a high school pep rally. I learned the other day that our tax dollars pay for these worthless events. That made me mad.

Looking at the issues and each candidate's proposed plans I've come to the conclusion that to say one is better does not mean that the other is all wrong, they are just two different approaches. I know that I'm not wise in the way of politics and knowledgable about governmental things. When my intellect is not there (which in lofty circumstances like these it usually isn't) I then resort to using my vibe.

My vibe tells me that if there are two different philosophies/governing styles/political parties then it is a healthy thing to rotate back and forth between them both. Wait. Was that a decision? It all depends on what my vibe says about how long the rotations should be. Each one being different. Maybe I'll have an answer by November 4th. If not, no problem. I won't vote.

Along with my political ignorance I will propose these (not-so-serious) suggestions that I think would improve America.

1. Get rid of primary elections. There should only be a one time election with atleast twelve candidates.

2. Get rid of super delegates and all that stupid stuff. Make voting a plain and simple election where every vote is equal.

3. Get rid of Palin and Biden. The president will be who ever wins the election. The vice president would be the one in second place.

4. Get rid of national conventions.

5. The government should pay each person to vote.

6. The president is no longer required to of been born in America. Just a resident for twenty five years in a row. This rule can only apply if all the previous rules are in effect.

psalm for the unspiritual me or.. the summer blues

2008-09-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

What’s the worst that can happen to me?
I am in Christ. I am alive. I am free.

Remind me. Shake me. Tear me from complacency.

I can hear eternity in the present sounds.
Noises that are whispering behind
the brokenness of this temporary state.
Love. Joy. Hope.
They always win at the end of the day.

Season’s shift and within their turning
a place that is thin appears.
A moment of change
and a reminder
of the changeless and sovereign One.

Come Holy Spirit. Give me to You.

A Masterpiece

2008-07-31T20:52:00.000-07:00

This is such an excellent bedtime story narrated perfectly by jermaine.

Vacation Pictures

2008-07-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

Last week we were celebrating our fifth anniversary! These are just a few pictures that show in part how awesome it was.

imagine being loved

2008-07-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

I'm going back and forth. Lately I've been closer to the side of the opinion that certain songs are not appropriate during worship. Songs like "My Beloved" or "Crucified" have lyrics which proclaim that I am His beloved and that above all creation He died for me. These words can seem to be quite egocentric during a time when I should be steering my attention away from myself. Of course there are theological implications within the theme of these songs, especially "crucified". Is it OK to focus on the self and consider God's personal love towards us as individuals? Or should we rather consider God's love towards us as a community and that God favors a community of Christ like self-sacrifice over the individual and their personal needs? These are questions that I wrestle with. I've not been aware of this wrestling but it's been happening on a subconscious level.

The back and forth motion of this wrestling is not a concrete place to be but I think that's the point. It shouldn't be. I have found that the rythym of God's Spirit is one that goes through seasons. Or atleast seasons are what God uses in order to better reveal His Infinite Self to my tiny finite self. I've heard someone say the term "living in the tension of paradox". Jesus did this with perfection and beauty.

Could it be that this humility to not sing these songs at all is false? and if false humility is the problem, why? Where does it stem from? To avoid this I believe that it is important to focus on the self but only for a short "season". We should dare to imagine that we are loved, personally and passionately. After realizing this is true we should let that awareness seep into our spirits all the while reminding ourselves that we are but dust. If this is done the natural reaction would be one of praise, worship and adoration towards the Creator. The result and effect on the heart would be a healthy balance of self worth and humility.

imagination

2008-07-07T21:13:00.001-07:00

The talk that N.T. Wright gave in the previous post resounded fully in my heart. I've been mulling over the topic of imagination on and off for the past year or two. Matthew 18 says At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. Children have an uncanny ability to be themselves, to say it like it is, to trust and to imagine or pretend. These attributes are some which belong to one who is great in the kingdom of heaven.

As Bishop Wright pointed out, when someone is exposed to mystery, beauty and possibility they are more likely to believe then before they were exposed (paraphrase). I believe in who God is dogmatically. It is a little harder for me to believe in what He could possibly do. It's not that I don't believe in the work of the Holy Spirit to bring about heaven on earth, I do. By because of my sinful nature I fall into a place of not actively believing. The first step in actively believing requires imagination. Can I imagine a need being filled? Can I imagine myself or someone else being healed? Can I imagine doing something that seems unlikely for me? Can I imagine being able to do something that I have not been able to do in a while? You get the idea.

Imagination does have it's limits. We should not entertain the thought that our own strength, will and imagination can bring about what we might think is utopia. Whatever we do that is not the will of God will fade. Expressed imagination can also amplify whether someone is seeking the Lord or being selfish, or worse. Prayerful imagination brings one to a place where faith is encouraged and courage is normal. Imagination along with a contrite spirit can warm the cold adult heart and clear the way in order to better hear the voice of God.

Lord give me the grace to even be able to imagine.

"smarten up your imagination"

2008-07-03T07:25:00.000-07:00

unity

2008-06-30T14:59:00.000-07:00

I am a broken record. I've mentioned before that unity within the body of Christ is a burden/calling on my heart. It is my great hope and my great frustration. On the top of my head there are three major barriers that cause division in the Church. Institutional Denominations, Race, & theological doctrine (both in belief and in practice). They are not intrinsically evil in of themselves but rather a myriad of strengths within God's diverse family that have become weaknesses. The causes of this is the effect sin continues to have on earth and humanity. Chaos is breaking us down along with creation. We are prone to selfishness which divides. Another cause is the presence of a personal and active evil that seeks to divide what God seeks to bring together.

In my experience, unity within in the universal body of Christ has been able to happen in events that have certain characteristics to them. The first most common multi-faceted gathering would be that of the pentecostal or charismatic persuasion. This is perhaps the easiest these days because during a time of worship in which the power of the Holy Spirit is heavily sought after, doctrine is usually the first to get pushed aside. Methods and different expressions of the faith are temporarily put on hold but it's usually one style that refuses to compromise from the start. With just the gifts of the Spirit and no the fruit, what looks like a sudden large fire can go out just as fast.

The second would be the ceremonial gathering. A religious holiday like thanksgiving, christmas or holy week. You may see races or denominations coming together with a common liturgy. On a smaller scale, holidays are a time when estranged family members come together.

It is interesting to note that these two gatherings are at either end of the spectrum. One relies on liturgy, another on experience. A couple problems with this is that this is solely based on events. The other is that the practice of unity deals with relationships and neither temporary experiences nor liturgy can take it's place. Relationships require compromise, Compromise requires deconstruction in order to discern what can be thrown away for the sake of coming together. Reconstruction is always slow but it must follow. What does Reconstruction look like? Reconstruction happens in the presence of God during worship. I believe it is the marriage of ancient liturgy and pentecostal experience with the foundation of relationship. The key to relationship is service and self sacrifice. Letting go of pet peeves and pet doctrines etc.. It is the coming together to enjoy and share with each other. It is also the coming together to fulfill the biblical mandate of Matthew 25:34-36

Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’

I've wondered how I can do my part in bringing about unity in Christ? How can I bring people together when I'm not a people person? Where do I even start? All I have so far is this: do small things and pray. I have faith that unity can and will happen, I hope it will happen in my lifetime but even if it doesn't I will still love everyone no matter what.

part of John 17 (the message)

Jesus' Prayer for His Followers

Jesus said these things. Then, raising his eyes in prayer, he said:
Father, it's time.
Display the bright splendor of your Son
So the Son in turn may show your bright splendor.
You put him in charge of everything human
So he might give real and eternal life to all in his charge.
And this is the real and eternal life:
That they know you,
The one and only true God,
And Jesus Christ, whom you sent.
I glorified you on earth
By completing down to the last detail
What you assigned me to do.
And now, Father, glorify me with your very own splendor,
The very splendor I had in your presence
Before there was a world.
I spelled out your character in detail
To the men and women you gave me.
They were yours in the first place;
Then you gave them to me,
And they have now done what you said.
They know now, beyond the shadow of a doubt,
That everything you gave me is firsthand from you,
For the message you gave me, I gave them;
And they took it, and were convinced
That I came from you.
They believed that you sent me.
I pray for them.
I'm not praying for the God-rejecting world
But for those you gave me,
For they are yours by right.
Everything mine is yours, and yours mine,
And my life is on display in them.
For I'm no longer going to be visible in the world;
They'll continue in the world
While I return to you.
Holy Father, guard them as they pursue this life
That you conferred as a gift through me,
So they can be one heart and mind
As we are one heart and mind.
As long as I was with them, I guarded them
In the pursuit of the life you gave through me;
I even posted a night watch.
And not one of them got away,
Except for the rebel bent on destruction
(the exception that proved the rule of Scripture).

Now I'm returning to you.
I'm saying these things in the world's hearing
So my people can experience
My joy completed in them.
I gave them your word;
The godless world hated them because of it,
Because they didn't join the world's ways,
Just as I didn't join the world's ways.
I'm not asking that you take them out of the world
But that you guard them from the Evil One.
They are no more defined by the world
Than I am defined by the world.
Make them holy—consecrated—with the truth;
Your word is consecrating truth.
In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world,
I give them a mission in the world.
I'm consecrating myself for their sakes
So they'll be truth-consecrated in their mission.

I'm praying not only for them
But also for those who will believe in me
Because of them and their witness about me.
The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—
Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
So they might be one heart and mind with us.
Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.
The same glory you gave me, I gave them,
So they'll be as unified and together as we are—
I in them and you in me.
Then they'll be mature in this oneness,
And give the godless world evidence
That you've sent me and loved them
In the same way you've loved me.

confession

2008-06-28T15:07:00.000-07:00

Here is a gallery of a few musicians that I am slightly embarrassed to say that I like. I do not own any albums from these artists but I think they are very talented and have written some of the best songs that exist.

although one of his songs is involved in an event I slightly regret in High School I can't help but dig those signature melodies of his.

the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as prince... need I say more. Of all the decent songs of the eighties (which are few in number), he has written a good portion of them.

If you say you don't like any of his songs you are probably lying. Sing with me "it's the circle of life.. "

work ~ sing

2008-06-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

The place that most of us find ourselves spending the most amount of our awake time is at work. At my place of work I could go through a full day and say only a handful of words (and that happens a lot). I am a quiet guy with a pretty hefty work ethic. I believe strongly that when I'm at work that's what I should be doing: work. I talk to God at work. I praise and thank him for who he is and what he's done. I ask him to give me strength, wisdom and joy as I toil the day away. I ask him to help me prioritize when I'm over my head in stuff to do. I ask for his presence to come into the work-shop and touch each one of us. I also intercede for those in need that come to mind. Sometimes my prayers are silent. Other times I find myself muttering my prayers out loud just by second nature. There have been times after realizing that I was muttering that there was someone else close by and I get all self-conscious that they heard me and thought I was weird talking to myself. Sometimes I sing my prayers or just sing praise. Not too loud but in a volume that's kind of under my breath. Whatever words and melody may come goes out of my mouth. This last way is probably the best in the work setting. If I'm too silent at work my co-workers might think that I've taken a vow of silence. If I'm muttering under my breath they might think I'm loony. If I sing they'll most likely think I'm happy and content.

You know what? who cares what other people think, right?

work ~ shade

2008-06-25T21:19:00.001-07:00

For about eight years I was a troll that worked underground. Now that my place of employment has moved it's facility a year ago I have been enjoying large and numerous windows in every part of the workshop. I catch myself every now and then staring out these windows at the clouds, animals and trees when I'm in the middle of working. This spring has been especially beautiful compared to most and I have had the privilege to watch every step of it right from where I make the rubber stamps and engraved signs. In my gazing I have noticed that some buds grow so fast that you could almost watch it grow. Obviously this can't be done. It's kind of like the old saying "a watched pot never boils". But if I shake my head to stop staring out the window and finish my days work, when I look back out the window I then see a difference, even from morning to evening of the same day.

One of my favorite parts of this past spring was when walking home from work I felt a decent heat from the sunshine along with a cool wind. The evening sun would've been glaring right on me but I was pleased to notice for the first time leaves above me. Trees with young but full leaves all the way down the street. I was for the first time this year in the shade of the trees. The smell of flowers were blossoming and the cool wind blew through the leaves causing a familiar and relaxing sound.

It is common to think that contemplation can only be done in silence and in stillness. I disagree. Sometimes the exact opposite is needed in order to clear the head so that interactive praying and listening to the Holy Spirit can take place. This shouldn't be used as an excuse for those of us who are addicted to activity. Rather, it should be known that waiting on God is both active and passive.

There and Back Again

2008-06-22T21:11:00.001-07:00

Tonight, I finally came to an end of a great book. I am probably the slowest and most distracted reader that you'll ever meet. Over the course of who knows how long I finished 'the Hobbit'. It became one of my favorites by the time I reached the middle and I went from being more than a little annoyed at Bilbo's character to a mild admiration. When Bilbo came home it was mentioned that it happened on June 22nd, which is today. !?.

Gesundheit

2008-06-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

If you stop and think why we do some of the things we do you will undoubtebly come across some wacky scenarios. Take saying "God bless you" to someone after they sneeze for instance. A few years ago I put this habit of mine under some serious questioning. In hearing about the etymology of this phrase or word and the paranoia that seemed to breed this popular habit I came to the decision that I would not take part in this silliness. So everytime someone sneezed I remained silent refusing to give in to the paranoid superstition. After every sneeze there would be an awkward silence (maybe it was just awkward for me).

After a few months of maintaining this new habit of mine I came to the conclusion that I was just being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn. My new philosophy on the matter was that this weird phenemenon that I considered to be theologically and scientifically stupid was actually a great excuse to say a blessing without sounding overly religious.

A fews later here in the present with my new resolve still intact I am coming across another baffling realization. It seems like the traditional gesundheit after the sneeze is going out of style for whatever reason. Have you noticed this too? If so, why do you think this is so?

freedom

2008-06-06T05:31:00.000-07:00

Music is easy for me. Is it really that hard for anyone? It is a universal language of the heart all around the world. Music is not the only form of worship but for me it helps me connect with the Holy Spirit. A song is something which can be produced and done over and over so it is rather efficient and ... umm easy when it comes to a time of devotion, unlike other arts that require more preparation. Dancing I can see being very natural, primal even, like the rhythm of drums, visual and audio combined in the physical. I have a brother in Christ who I haven't seen in a couple years. He is paralyzed from the waist down along with slurred speech etc. He once spoke out and admonished/encouraged us all during a worship service that "God loves it when we worship Him physically and physically move our bodies to show Him love. He was sad because he couldn't as much as before."

Before I go any further, you should also know that I am a stoic person. I am swedish, german and english so it is a rare thing to see me smile (just kidding) dance. My former pastor of twelve years would get the church on more than one occasion to rock side to side to something corny like "we bring a sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord". One time it stunk. The next I had to admit I was in honest worship before my God.

I am very quiet but if you happen to spend a very considerable amount of time with me while I'm at home you will find an incredibly wacky person that sometimes won't be quiet. Not because I'm talking but because I'm speaking gibberish that has a phat beat to it. In that moment I am free. Not just my spirit inside but my physical body as well. God made me this way and loves it when I fully express myself. On the flip side (or should I say dark side) if you spend a considerable amount of time with me you may observe a mad man that talks like a jerk. That’s because if you've spent a long time with me it is reasonable to believe that you love and accept me as I am so the psychological part of me tells both the free and good part of me as well as the dark side that it's OK to show themselves to this other person, they won't punch you. God is always where we are. We can't hide so might as well show our full selves to Him.

What is natural to you? Be free in that... and whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17)

Introspection

2008-04-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

The pope at yankee stadium. As a Red Sox fan and a protestant in blood and in conviction a sight like this can trigger some petty tribalistic emotions and thoughts. Time for me to let go.

Turning Japanese, I'm turning Japanese, I really think so

2008-04-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

OK. So that took about five workers to squeeze the passengers inside the train. Imagine if this were to take place in America. People would have a fit and perhaps for good reason. Pick pocketing along with other concerns would be more than enough reason for american subways to have a limit of passengers whether determined by social or legal standards.

Not to pick on America but why is this so. I think it is safe to assume that pick pocketing is not as prevalent in japanese subways as it is in american subways or else people would wait for the next train. It seems to me that the passengers are comfortable and expect to be squashed together. Does this selfless attitude for the greater good of the community seem to be a more common attribute among the japanese than here in America? Is it selfless? Consider baseball in Japan. It is normal to throw well over a hundred pitches and full games while here it is expected that a pitcher not play a full game. I am not a sociologist but this gets me thinking.

nügturnal

2008-04-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

I am mostly a night person. It takes me a good two hours to wake up. After the post supper time sleepies I wake up at nine o'clock. Creative inspiration usually comes during the night hours. When it comes to an undivided time of devotion to God in the morning, I'm less likely to be fully attentive or fully there emotionally. At church I find that I tend to be more free spirited during the night service than the morning service. There are exceptions but generally I function better at night. This is OK. I am cool with this. I know that Jesus knows I am nügturnal.

The lesson to be learned after accepting that I am nocturnal and nothing will change that is embracing what I'm not. Even though mornings tend to be less fun doesn't mean I should shy away from them but rather just go through it in peace. Peace with God, peace within ourselves and peace with everyone else. There will be something in the morning that cannot be found at night. Peace is possible because of the grace found in Jesus.

Always Present

2008-04-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

I reminded tonight about the presence of Christ that is within my heart.

Even when my mind is muddled with materialism and neurosis.
Christ is present.

Even when time passes way too fast and change feels like chaos.
Christ is present.

When I am indecisive.
Christ is present.

When I make a wrong decision.
Christ is present.

When I think too highly of myself.
Christ is present

When I think too low of myself.
Christ is present.

and His love overshadows anything that dares to stand in it's way. He calls my name and then He waits, patiently.

entering the worship circle

2008-04-06T15:43:00.001-07:00

Get this widget!

Winter's Last Dance

2008-04-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

Some signs of early spring are..
Mud tracks that appear for the first time on the kitchen floor.
The sound of seagulls
Temperatures reaching sixty degrees
Baseball
Something called color emerges from the ground
Rain

Over at my space I've posted some recordings that I've done in the past few days. The instrumental was co-written and performed with my brother.

seasons for everything under heaven V

2008-03-23T10:22:00.001-07:00

Balance has always been a goal and desire of my heart. When I consider Christ and His character I see the most balanced individual in history. What I mean by balance is living through the tension of paradox. Jesus is a paradox. He is God and He is man. He balances a contemplative and solitude life along with a beautiful social life. We all need a balanced amount of opposites like play and work, saving and spending, exercise and rest, etc. yet how do we achieve this without becoming schizophrenic?

Opposites attract, compliment, complete and are interdependent to each other. Yet I have found that they need to take turns. When opposites take turns, contradiction is no longer present. This taking of turns can also be known as a changing of seasons. King Solomon said that "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."(Ecclesiastes 3:1) When it comes to christian doctrine and christian living there are many contradictions. We are told to be peacemakers yet we are warned that we will stir the waters with controversy and walls will appear between family members. We are told to not be drunk with wine and then we see Jesus creating wine out of water because the wine ran out during the wedding party.

In this discerning and balancing of seasons I have struggled. I try to listen to the Spirit and consider the example of Jesus. I mess up. Others mess up. I get frustrated when I or someone else reacts to something so extremely that there is a pendulum swing in conviction. Moderation is thrown out the window and division is apparent. This frustration of mine has just been festering and I know it. I've had good intentions but perhaps I've lacked some hidden goodness. Have I in my search for balance been too extreme in my reaction towards imbalance? Lately these days I think the Lord has brought a bit of tenderness into my situation and I am starting to come to a conclusion. I would say that there is a season of balance and there is a season of imbalance. When Christ is king over someone's heart I think He sees the need for the pendulum to swing all the way to the other side in that person's life before it lands in the center. Jesus is present in the imbalanced place, not just the balanced. I have been slightly mistaken.

Consider what God has done:
Who can straighten
what he has made crooked?

When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, a man cannot discover
anything about his future.

In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these:
a righteous man perishing in his righteousness,
and a wicked man living long in his wickedness.

Do not be overrighteous,
neither be overwise—
why destroy yourself?

Do not be overwicked,
and do not be a fool—
why die before your time?

It is good to grasp the one
and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.
(Ecclesiastes 7:13-18)
..thanks for the verses sweetpea!

IV
III
II
I

Goodbye Winter

2008-03-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

Not that I don't like spring, I do, but just like autumn it's a short tease of perfection. I'm going to miss the brisk cool air and the calm grey of winter. Especially when I think of the dog days of summer and that layer of sweat that congeals on the skin. Yuck!

proverbial rant

2008-03-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

What looks like virtue may actually have roots of bitterness or pride.

The bible does not have contradictions, it's called a paradox...
deal with it!

Disco stinks.. except Jamiroquai.

The only thing I hate more than legalism is passive aggression. I am guilty of both.

I am my second worst enemy and my third best friend.. maybe fourth depending on the day.

America is beautifully messed up.

No. God is not in control but He is sovereign. Don't ask me what that means. I don't have the brain power to explain.

...perhaps more rant than proverb.

Meteors & the Christian Bubble

2008-03-11T16:46:00.000-07:00

It's great every now and then to immerse one's self into the christian sub culture. Seriously. Back in 2004 I went to the CreationFestival with my wife and a friend, it was our first time since 1999. Tens of thousands of christians come together to form one big christian bubble and I love it! It is refreshing. But like candy, something so sweet can only last so long before I get sick, at least in this life.

In my listening of music if I listened to one too many melancholy songs I find it good to put in a little FFH, or Michael W. Smith or something like that to balance things out. At CreationFest 2004 Melissa and I were deciding whether or not we should see the Newsboys play or not. "Been there, done that" was our attitude. Plus, I thought they were a bit showy in their entertainment. We went anyway and thank God.

During their set is a time of worship. This was so cool. I was sitting at the top corner of the arena shaped hill with my wife. There came a time during the song "it is you(I think that's the name?)" that the band dropped out and all 80,000 of us were singing the holy, holy part. Cheesy? nope. It was one of the most beautiful moments. It was night time, we were in the middle of nowhere, thousands were worshipping and I could see everyone from where I was as everyone was illumined by the stage light. This continued for what was probably just a minute but seemed like a longer lapse in time. Then suddenly from one far end of the sky appeared about four orange meteors. They spread across the sky very very slowly some of them splitting several times in a fashion that was in a way, complimenting the singing. This continued from one end of the sky to the other and soon after they dissappeared the voices did as well into a brief moment of silence and then applause. I confess my first thought was this was a special effect the Newsboys were doing but I was quickly humbled with the deep conviction that God was touched and He touched us back with this gift.

On Side B

2008-03-06T18:24:00.001-08:00

I deleted my other blog. I thought it was lame and figured why make a rule for me to only post artistic/musical stuff on that certain blog and not this one. So I'll be even lamer (I don't care) and repost some selections (like this one)from that blog every now and then...

The year is 1996. I am almost fifteen years old and I have just been at a youth group event with my buds and we all have been changed so to say. We were as high as a kite, our hearts were strangely warmed, we were baptized with the Holy Spirit and very in love with Jesus. This was not just because of this event but more so God planting seeds of the gospel during previous years especially from this very cool dude named Aaron who was my youth group leader. The seeds came out of the ground.

After the event we had a sleep over at our church and this was when Aaron gave me a blank tape of stuff he recorded. I never heard of any type of christian music that was good, only hymns (I like hymns now by the way) and that sort. He said that this band called Jars of Clay was pretty good, maybe a little mellow for my taste (I was into some hardcore stuff back then). I told him I was open to any type of music which was true and gave a listen. Not bad I thought as I listened to Jars of Clay's debut album. He failed to mention what was on the other side of the tape. This was another band that I never heard of and apparently was not christian I guess. The music on this side of the tape was Rusted Root's "when I woke". This was a supercool album, still one of my favorites. I don't think this was just an accident. I would even go as far as to say that this was God showing me what musical excellence was(yes Jars of Clay was included as well...especially now). It was also here on out that my general taste in music started to mellow out and I grew my hair out and wore my clothes to where I was a mix between Cliff Burton and ... I don't know... something hippy.

Aaron brought along his friend Chris who we just met a few weeks before and this event was like the shift between leaders. Chris was just as dear to me and significant for my spiritual walk with and towards Jesus. During the sleep over I think Aaron left around midnight and Chris later talked about worship songs and said he wanted to teach us a few so he did. Me and my friends were all starting out on guitar so we may not of known how to play every chord that he mentioned but we were learning stuff anyways. I remember the song "He is exalted" was my favorite out of all the ones he taught. This was my first time playing newer worship songs.

Rusted Root kicks butt. The lead singer was an acquired taste but one that was acquired very fast. The percussion/hand drums with acoustic folky funkiness was soooo cool. Everything about this band I liked. Years later (five maybe) and supposedly more mature in my walk with Jesus and in my musicianship, I was glad to come across what worship with hand drums and acoustic guitars could sound like. The enter the worship circle series has been a source of encouragement for me. Encouragement to push even more forward with my music stuff in regards to worship.

Dessert Discovery II

2008-02-25T20:48:00.001-08:00

Dessert Discovery

2008-02-25T20:29:00.000-08:00

Tonight I had a weird craving for something like chocolate covered cheerios. I couldn't think of an easy way to do that so I became frustrated. Until at last it hit me. Something like that but way better. I decided to mix multigrain cheerios and moosehead lake fudge ice cream which is a chocolate ice cream with extra goodness in it. Now it's important that the cheerios are multigrain because of the slight sweetness and taste as well as their unique crispy texture they have compared to other cheerios. After pouring the cereal on top of the ice cream I then made sure I mixed it altogether very well(another important detail). Yum.

contemplating gossip

2008-02-21T17:43:00.000-08:00

Things are not as they seem. What may seem as unrighteousness may have many layers underneath. If these layers of complicated details were actually revealed and pealed away what may be left is a heart, poor in spirit yet pure.

If these complicated details become a conversation topic the nature of the dialogue usually turns into gossip, unfortunately. But with the help of the Spirit when details are revealed a spirit of prayer can rise up along with the attitude to assume the best. This is what I think Paul was referring to when he said that love believes all things. This is not to say that we shouldn't beware of becoming naive but rather we should embrace a child-like faith. We as adults can be so distrusting and so addicted to negativity. Lord Jesus, save us.

In defense of Joyce Meyer

2008-02-21T17:39:00.000-08:00

It's been on the news several times and it saddens me. Certain preachers and teachers of the faith, particularly those who are under the prosperity gospel, are under government watch. I am no way a fan of this tainted version of the gospel but I am sad to hear that Joyce Meyer is on this list of a dozen or so. Earlier in my life when I really started to follow and seek the Lord I would read and listen to her teachings and I grew immensely from them (as well as other authors as well)despite the culture shock that she was for me. To this day I would still consider her stuff to have a lot of spiritual meat. Meat that I need today. Her teaching would recognize the need to go through rough times and that not everything tough is instantly avoidable by speaking a "word of faith". Because of that I would consider her on the mild side of the prosperity gospel movement.

I would consider myself partly word of faith but I am of the opinion that material wealth is the least needed and our lives (including thought life) should not revolve around such stuff. I believe that we should pray specifically for specific things and that if we don't we may not get our prayers answered in the specific way we want/need...phew. On the flip side of specific prayer, I see it as being popular to avoid by some because it sets us up for possible dissapointment. God uses dissapointment to His greater good. I can ask God for some ridiculous luxury and I guarantee you I will be dissapointed and that would be for the good. Some of Joyce Meyers luxuries I would question so it sounds she may have gone a little astray but as for her sermons, there is some good stuff there.

It is very tempting to me to have a critical attitude towards those on government watch but I must turn my critical spirit into a spirit of prayer and humility.

Lost

2008-02-17T16:33:00.000-08:00

most like me?! sweet.

Which Lost Character Are You?

More on Lost. Created by BuddyTV

my first basketball game....ever!

2008-02-07T19:53:00.000-08:00

We got free tickets to see the Celtics play the L.A. Clippers lastnight. Not only were they free but they were for the seventh row! It was a close game the first half but then Boston dominated from the third quarter and on. We had a lot of fun. Unfortunately Garnett did not play due to injury but I'm not complaining.

attempting to get political

2008-02-07T16:23:00.000-08:00

Politically, I'm not so sure where I stand. On big issues like Iraq and possible universal health care I am neither against or for but I think I lean right. As my dad says "I bet you're more conservative than you think you are". I have a hard time wrapping my head around the big stuff of this world so I usually go with my intuition. A few months back I would look at the faces of the presidential hopefuls and get a certain vibe from each one. The best vibe I got was from Huckabee. For the Democratic side, Obama seemed like a good leader with a balanced personality. The worst vibe I got was from Romney. Today he drops out so I am mildly pleased.

Yesterday I was daydreaming and my overactive imagination brought me to the future where McCain won the republican primary and Huckabee joined as his vice president. The republicans than won the election in yet another close vote and soon after McCain passes away causing Huckabee to step up as the new president. I wish no ill will towards McCain I just think of weird things sometimes.

benefiting from the library

2008-01-30T15:56:00.000-08:00

I appreciate the library for many reasons. For one, it's free. Second, there's cool stuff. Not just books but movies and CDs. Third, it's a money saver. Big time. I am addicted to hearing new music and this way I am kept satisfied without buying a ridiculous amount of CDs. I also look forward to the trip there. It's about a ten minute stroll from my house. I usually walk fast whenever I walk but on the way to the library I settle down a few notches. It's relaxing. I enjoy walking through the macintyre district and looking at all the old mansions while strolling on top of the brick sideways. At my library there is also an extensive collection of books, movies and dvds. You probably won't find what you're looking for if you have something in mind but that doesn't matter for me; I go there without any expectations and am always surprised and satisfied with what I borrowed. For example, I now have three dvds. Luther (the movie), School of Rock, The Alamo. And six CDs, Josh Ritter/the animal years, Grant Lee-Phillips/virginia creeper, Kings of Leon/because of the times, The world of Nat King Cole, Carbon Leaf/indian summer, Emmylou Harris/red dirt girl. I won't necessarily watch all the movies or any at all but who cares if it's free right?

florida's primary

2008-01-29T21:40:00.000-08:00

Revisiting

2008-01-26T11:20:00.000-08:00

It's been just over a year since I joined in the family at the gathering. I reflect back on the emotions and train of thought that I was going through during that time of transition. I remember as I would try to explain to fellow congregants how I sensed God was calling me to leave that church to somewhere else. Most likely a place two blocks down the road. I explained that this was simply a matter of following God's lead and it was nothing against them. I explained further some well thought out list of whys and how comes but there was also something else that wasn't so logical (and a litte weird so I don't mention it much). The call to leave and go was in my head/heart for a few years and it became more consistent as time went on. I like to call it a prayerful itch for change. In the beginning it was once every few months. I would then bring it to God in prayer. A year or two later it was once every other month. I would bring it to God in prayer. A year later it was every couple of weeks. I would bring it to God in prayer. A few months later it was every couple of days. I would bring it to God in prayer. It was then for a week or two I would "hear it" every day. I then caved. No offense towards the guiding voice of God but I needed peace.

I've wondered before if I should of answered the call the first time. I now think not. It was just God's way of preparing my heart to leave. Fear of man and fear of making others feal rejected is what kept me(or was it God's infinite wisdom?), especially towards the end. I thought people might misunderstand and accuse me of seeking my own "needs" in a self consumerist kind of way. (sidenote) Here is an interesting article in christianity today on this.

There were signs in my inner life and circumstances in my outer life that served as signals as well. Some examples are random things my wife said, new people that came into our life, questions and frustrations we had, evolutions of current relationships we had... to name a few. After many conversations with Melissa along with trying to listen to God (a hard thing to do) we finally made the decision.

Since being in community with the gathering I have been loved, grown in love, challenged in my attitude of service and in my own theological thought. Hallelujah.

The Tearing of the Shroud

2008-01-18T22:44:00.000-08:00

Jesus Dies on the Cross
Now it was about the sixth hour, and there was darkness over all the earth until the ninth hour. Then the sun was darkened, and the veil of the temple was torn in two. And when Jesus had cried out with a loud voice, He said, “Father, ‘into Your hands I commit My spirit.’”Having said this, He breathed His last. So when the centurion saw what had happened, he glorified God, saying, “Certainly this was a righteous Man!” Luke 23:44-49

..this painting is of the shroud being torn. Symbolic of God tearing the divide between himself and the world. The division being sin and the sacrificial solution being the death of his son, Jesus. Made and given to Melissa and I by my father. Gotta show it off... as best as a laptop camera can do.

praise, complaint, and prediction

2008-01-13T21:55:00.000-08:00

I am spoiled to live in the Boston area when it comes to sports. Baseball is my favorite so I am thoroughly enjoying the Red Sox and their continuing success after many decades of nothing. The Patriots are almost boring to watch because they're so good. I like a team to be good but have drama during the season. The Red Sox do it by losing three in a row and then winning four in a row. I'm getting the vibe that despite the Celtics resurgence as a top notch team there will be some drama... lots of it.

if it's good enough for a tree, it's good enough for me

2008-01-04T19:24:00.000-08:00

...who says taking down the christmas tree can't be fun?!

emerging out of division?

2007-12-19T15:30:00.000-08:00

A few weeks back I was asked to explain and describe the emergent movement. I laughed and said "no". I was just kidding so I gave a less than adequate description but I thought what I said was okay. I came across a post which described in part what the emergent movement is about, atleast when it comes to unity in the church. This is what attracts me to the emergent conversation. In my mind, talking is the beginning of unity and unity is a major desire of Jesus' (john 17).

Looking for the Green on my thumb

2007-12-15T17:29:00.000-08:00

I've been a wannabee gardener for a few years now. I've tried and failed for the most part so far. Today, all the plants in my place are suffering. I'll buy plants from the store and then neglect them after a few months. The most succesful plants and ones that I am most pleased by are the ones that I have grown from seed. To see them grow from scratch is amazing. I'll watch day to day the tiny green speck that formed on the soil reach further and further up and find strength all on it's own (nevermind the fact that I would water them). That is probably my problem. I need to grow everything from seed. Than I would get my act together.

O Tanenbaum

2007-12-12T19:39:00.001-08:00

A week ago my love and I decided to get our first real christmas tree and what a wonderful memory it was. It was like those old christmas movies where the family goes to the tree lot to pick out that special tree. We mosied down every aisle and inspected each one until we had a top two or three. There were large sized christmas lights and christmas music coming out of a couple megaphones that were mounted on opposite corners of the lot. We came well into nightime and so it was cold but not too cold. Now we have that perfect tree. It smells as beautiful as it looks.

[soo-per-stish-uhn]

2007-11-26T15:07:00.000-08:00

su·per·sti·tion

–noun
1. a belief or notion, not based on reason or knowledge, in or of the ominous significance of a particular thing, circumstance, occurrence, proceeding, or the like.
2. a system or collection of such beliefs.
3. a custom or act based on such a belief.
4. irrational fear of what is unknown or mysterious, esp. in connection with religion.
5. any blindly accepted belief or notion.

superstitious

c.1386, from O.Fr. superstitieux, from L. superstitiosus, from superstitionem (nom. superstitio) "prophecy, soothsaying, excessive fear of the gods," perhaps originally "state of religious exaltation," related to superstes (gen. superstitis) "standing over or above," also "standing by, surviving," from superstare "stand on or over, survive," from super "above" (see super-) + stare "to stand," from PIE base *sta- "to stand" (see stet). There are many theories for the L. sense development, but none has yet triumphed. Superstition is attested from 1402. In Eng., originally especially of religion; sense of "unreasonable notion" is from 1794.

...Now in thinking about the supernatural and word associations with the word superstitious I find the whole thing interesting. When the word superstition is mentioned people associate it with fear and irrationality. It is interesting to note that in 1402 the word had more of a religious meaning to it while in 1794 it was equated with unreasonable. That is strictly due to the main philosophy of that time and place; the enlightenment(I think that's what it was called). The main virtues of that time were reason and knowledge not blind faith.

As christians we are ultimately superstitious. We believe in the supernatural. A virgin birth, a rising from the dead and apocalyptic event(s) with supernatural overtones to it. We believe in an invisible spiritual realm and in angels and demons. We believe in miracles. I personally believe that the existence of hope is supernatural. When did fear ever come into this? and why?

John Wesley stressed the importance of reason but not at the expense of blind faith.

pondering astrology

2007-11-21T12:24:00.000-08:00

A couple weeks ago Melissa and I spent some time with my father in law and her new fiance'. We've known her for awhile and love here so she's basically my mother in law already. We had a good family get together as we celebrated our birthdays early. Melissa's is the 18th, mine the 23rd. Discussion of our birthdays soon went into personalities according to the calendar (my soon to be mother inlaw is into and very knowledgable about astrology). She said (something like) that scorpios (Melissa's sign) are incredibly passionate and very orderly with a lot of leadership qualities, and they are usually extraverted. She was right on about that. Than she said that sagitarrius'(my sign) are very laid back, calming and introverted but since I was on the cusp of being a scorpio I had some of that within me too. So I'm laid back but when the time is needed to get down to business I am right there on top of it. She read me like a book I thought to myself.

On our ride home that night Melissa and I talked about this phenemenon. We considered all the scorpios and sagitarrius' that we know and found that each one was either dead on or close to the descriptions according to what we heard earlier that night. We've heard about this "personality based on astrological signs" idea before. Even as followers of Christ we acknowleged the possibility of this phenemenon being a part of God's creative and incredibly detailed order. There are a million thoughts to think about concerning this. If this was true it wouldn't negate the christian faith but rather uphold it. Almost like a scientific truth with supernatural tones to it because it points to something "greater than ourselves". This "greater thing" leads to religion and spirituality and as we all know there are many religions. Right there is where it starts to get a little messy and controversial.

I also remain skeptical and can throw this phenemenon out the window and consider it merely a coincidence.

...just some thoughts that could get me into trouble.

Eagles and Tryptophan

2007-11-16T15:25:00.001-08:00

This year has been both very exciting and very transitional and very busy. This year has been a challenge that I am enjoying very much. There is beauty in exercise and even beauty in struggle. These days I can start to feel it. So I'll stop and notice the beauty within this adventure called life. I am on vacation. Sweet. My love's birthday is coming soon and mine as well. Turkey Day. Tryptophan. Resting in His love.

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, "God has lost track of me. He doesn't care what happens to me"? Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind.

end of Isaiah 40, the message

october has left

2007-11-01T15:14:00.000-07:00

mmm. It was fun while it lasted but now it's November. The sky is grey and the air is cold. The nights are getting longer, the leaves have peaked and the noise has finally gone. Thank you Jesus.

As I've said before, october is not my favorite time in Salem but I have been dealing with it. Fellowship with the Gathering has helped me to deal. I think it's wise to say that halloween is not going away anytime soon and since my city (I'm starting to sound like that guy in Braveheart who says "my island!") is obsessed with halloween it is definitely here to stay. So why not join the craziness? WWJD? I think part of what He would do is crash the party. This seems like the underlying mission and attitude of the Gathering & friends during the month of october. It was my first year officially with the Gathering during october and I am happy to have served with everyone. I am already praying, thinking and looking forward to next october. Meanwhile, I am here relaxing and gearing down for a slower pace as autumn calls me to wind down a little.

~Lord, God may everyone who came to Salem this past month be blessed by Your spirit and remember You. In Jesus, name

A Tough Conversation

2007-10-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

When I was in high school, I had a tough conversation with a good friend of mine. He was starting to come with me to youth group and a little to church. We had good conversations in the past about God, Jesus, faith, crap of the world(sin) and stuff like that. He seemed as though his heart was warming up to the christian faith. One day something irked him. I don't remember all of the conversation so pardon me if I leave stuff out.

His attention was brought somehow to the biblical denounciations of witchcraft. I don't remember how the message was given or the nature of it's delivery but know that he took it negatively. He took this denouncing very personally, I could see it in his face and hear it in his tone. He himself was not a witch but he told an important story. When his younger brother was born, he had a serious illness, I think it was fatal. His mother knew a couple of practicing witches. She called for them to come to the hospital so they could try to heal the new born. They came, did their spells or whatever the proper term is and my friend's younger brother was healed miraculously.

This was obviously a precious and significant moment in my friend's family history and instilled in him a respect for wicca. He asked me how wicca can be wrong if there seemed to be such good that came from it. I decided that I would tell him my theories of what really happened. I think that made him mad. He didn't really come back to church with me after that.

Today, I look back at that conversation and seriously wonder if I should of spoke my mind at all. What I should of done more of is "rejoice with those who rejoice". Rejoice at the fact that his little brother is still alive. I should of shown some empathy and relate at the fact that everybody is looking for healing when sickness comes and that faith is universal no matter how different the source of those faiths may be. I should of put myself last and him first. Live and learn.

Reactions

2007-10-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

In this article from Leadership Journal, Mclaren hits the nail on the head. Being mindful of this kind of advice can save us from a lot of trouble.

october

2007-09-24T15:22:00.001-07:00

Fall is my favorite season. Halloween is my least favorite holiday. I do not dig the costumes, the bizarres, the haunted happenings and halloween in general. The city becomes congested with people during the month of october causing traffic. I am the Ebenezer Scrooge of halloween. I would prefer to escape up north for the month of October and come back down November 1st. A lot of people who grew up in Salem as I have would agree with me. This year I am going up north to Portland Maine for a weekend but other than that I will be home. This is my annual default reaction to the coming holiday. I am then reminded in thought and prayer what Christ's attitude would be. Would his initial reaction be to escape? I would say no. It is interesting to see different christ followers reaction to halloween as well. Some are kind and gentle, some are militant. Some are silent, some soft spoken and some have megaphones.

For years, I would spend the evenings inside a church praying that God's Spirit would be the spirit that guides and protects the town and all that inhabit it, than later spend some time hanging out with friends. This was, and is good. More prayer is needed as more people arrive in Salem. The more the people the more the opportunities for good and evil to happen. The intercessions I offered up to God many times turned into the kind of prayer that would change me instead of those around me.

Ever since the Gathering set up stage with music and free hot cocoa and other happenings it has been easier for me to not only deal with october but actually enjoy it. There are many reasons for this and perhaps another post will explain.

In memory of Michael Jackson

2007-09-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

No. Not Jackson Five's Michael Jackson. The world famous beer expert died late last month. If it wasn't for this guy all of America would just be drinking those less than desirable light beers(you know which ones I'm talking about). There will be an official toast on September 30th in his memory. Hopefully my next post will not be about death.

Tragedies of yesterday, tragedies of today

2007-09-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

I once worked with a compulsive liar. He had his stories. From being forced to leave the casino in Las Vegas because he was about to defeat Donald Trump in poker for a lot of money to his attempt in becoming an army chaplain by undergoing the proper education where he learned that there were up to seven names of God in the bible (Yahweh, God, Allah, blah, blah, blah) and there were many more. I remember one morning as I walked past him to punch in he blurted out right away not a "good morning Carl" but rather "Did you just hear? A plane crashed into the world trade center". My first thought was "Yeah right". But then I listened to the radio that he was pointing at.

The rest of the day was eerily quiet. I continued through the work day in a solemn attitude. I remember as I walked through downtown Salem on my lunch break as was my custom when our company was located there. It was like a ghost town. I shuffled over in front of the widescreen TV that was displayed in front of a financing company. It was either CSPAN or CNN being showed with news of the terror attacks. Another man came next to me to watch as well. He was what seemed like a wealthy business man. Pictures of smoke were all we could see, lots and lots of smoke along with a couple shots of people covered from head to toe in dust. After a minute or so we both silently parted our own ways.

Today it is six years from that awful day and another sad one has happened. A friend of mine had his funeral. He battled pancreatic cancer. He was a desert storm veteran, a bass player and even though I did not know him too well he was genuinely kind. Two years ago I did not personally know anyone that has passed on from this life except for my Grandpa. Today three stand out in my mind. One was in his fourties, one was in his thirties and one was in his twenties. Horrible. But when I think of them all I cannot get there smiles out of my head(which is a good thing).

May Jesus carry us.

Physical Warfare II

2007-08-30T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty ignorant about Iraq and it's current situation. My lack of knowledge is mostly my fault but I'm looking into things, kind of. I like to read but I read slow and when I do it's usually in an awkward manner. I am what you could call "the simple man's intellectual". I have talked with people from both sides of opinion concerning the war in Iraq. Opinions toward the war are mostly strong so rarely do I come across someone in the grey as I am.

Right now I am reading what looks like by it's cover (yes I know don't judge a book by it's cover) a bunch of hype and sensationalism because of it's likeness to the cover of a political thriller movie. It is named "SADDAM'S SECRETS, how an iraqi general defied and survived saddam hussein" by Georges Sada. I haven't read too far into it and I am already impressed with this man and his life experiences. He is a long time military leader in Iraq (He has known Saddam since the sixties) but he is a christian, which is a minority in his area. This puts him in a very unusual spot with unusual opportunities. Sometimes within the book it seems like he goes out of his way to show that he is a christian(the publisher is Integrity which sounds like a christian company). There is nothing wrong about testifying about God's goodness and faithfulness but there is a genuine way to do so and an ingenuine way that has an agenda attached to it, I hope his is the former. My skepticism is obvious but can anyone blame me? With such contrasting opinions being tossed around it makes my head spin. Still I sense he is genuine.

So I will read on, here in my small world of Carl, guarded by America's homeland security with no clue because I am sheltered. Watch here as Jon Stewart interviews Georges Sada. Jon Stewart says exactly what I would.

1

Lord please give me grace, wisdom and your heart in this matter. In Jesus' name, amen.

seasons for everything under heaven IV

2007-08-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

As christians a few things we believe is that God came down unto our level here on earth and became the human named Jesus. We believe that Jesus is a perfect model for us all on how to live and that the gospel of Jesus Christ gives us a more practical, tangible and personable example than the law on how to live. We believe that Jesus, being God, is perfect in holiness and that we should copy and follow Him but have you ever wondered what his personality was? Extroverted, Introverted? Some have suggested that he was(is) a perfect middle on the extrovert/introvert chart according to biblical references. In one scene he is partying, the other He is preaching and talking to dozens, than a dozen, than one and then there's times He goes off to be by himself(and with His father but aren't they the same? anyways). Most of us are either/or with a mix of the other. There is also the occasional full blown extrovert or introvert here and there.

If you're opinion is that Jesus was an extrovert wouldn't that mean everyone should copy His extroverted behavior and vice versa? See what I mean? I believe he is a perfect middle and because of that there is a lesson in that. I consider myself an introvert with hints of extrovert that come out every now and then. That means my season of introvertedness is very long and takes up most of my life just like how winter seems to take up most of the new england year. There are times I am inspired to act extroverted either by God or by my own ego or because of caffeine or the weather or no known reason at all. Whatever the reason hopefully I align myself by surrendering to God's rythmn of seasons that He has for me so I can acquire both the character of God and be found in His will and plan for the season I am in.

I don't think we can be fully extroverted and fully introverted as Jesus was because we are not God and so we can not fit all that within ourselves. But together as the body of Christ (or the whole world for that matter) we can put our piece of the puzzle together. God alone is infinitely wise and His timing is perfect.

some pictures to bore you with

2007-08-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

I like you, you like me, we're a happy family.

2007-08-08T20:33:00.001-07:00

It is a very hard thing to seperate personality and character. What I mean by character is moral character. Everyone has their gifts which include their own personality but with every gift comes a weakness that is related. For example, a quiet person may be a good listener but stink when it's their time to talk. When I get to know someone I try to look past sins and shortcomings and separate personality from character. I intentionally notice the goodness that is in everybody. When I do this I find that I naturally start to like the person. That saying "I can love someone without liking them" is wrong, stupid and lazy. I am sure that Jesus not only loves everyone, He likes them as well. Shouldn't we do the same?

Spoiled

2007-07-30T20:07:00.001-07:00

AC and the Internet. Movies and Ice Cream... I have to be careful not to spoil myself.

Taking Care of Business

2007-06-26T04:36:00.000-07:00

My workplace is in the process of moving. For the first time I saw what it looks like in person yesterday. I am so excited. The facility is owned by the company instead of the rented one that we're leaving now. Every room is on one floor and above ground (woohoo!, moving up in the world!). I've got windows to distract me from my work. Sweet.

seasons for everything under heaven III

2007-06-17T14:19:00.000-07:00

...a time to blog a lot, and a time to blog a little. For an underdetermined amount of time I will only have limited access to online computer stuff.

first

second

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can

2007-06-12T21:27:00.001-07:00

I made it over the hill.

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

Phillipians 4:13 (amplified)

The Tenth of June

2007-06-10T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today was very long and surreal and joyful and sad. This morning I went to my old methodist church because my former pastor of 13 years was retiring and today was the last service he will be at. There was a party afterwards down in the function hall. It was great to be there. Though I did not show it I was filled with emotion during this time. I'm not insecure about what people think about me leaving anymore but instead my emotion was a healthy one. I was sad in this moment because today I believe was a turning point in my life. I said my last goodbye to that last season of my life at the methodist church. It's kind of like when you say goodbye numerous times to a friend because it's hard to leave. This was the last time. I am so excited about this new season that I apparently am already in.

This afternoon I hung out with Melissa at our new apartment in Salem. Only the kitchen is moved in. We got sick of sitting at the kitchen table so we sat on the empty living room floor for awhile. Tonight at the Gathering we had a time of worship in a heavy metal style led by Josh. That was super cool. The fog machine during practice set off the fire alarm and made firemen come. It was fun. Long day. Tired. G'nite. God bless you.

Burdened in this Summer of Limbo

2007-06-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

I can see the other side I'm just not there yet. Last month some pictures of the renovating of my new work place was posted up in our break room and it was exciting to visually anticipate the change. Tonight Melissa and I went to see what was my fourth apartment viewing and we decided there on the spot that we would move in, we're excited about that. I should be moved in both spots by the end of the month. My home and work both moving at the same time. Bring on the chaos!

There have been friends of mine who have had some serious situations going on with them and I can feel the burden. There are also some great and beautiful things happening as well, no doubt. Actually there is a lot of stuff happening so whether it's good, bad or just a matter of transition it's still a load to carry. I'll try not to complain or resort to temporary madness but rather turn to Jesus. He will help me carry this burden, the best part about it is that He will be with me, every step of the way. I am surely blessed.

seasons for everything under heaven II

2007-05-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

The first shall be last and the last shall be first. It is better to give then to recieve. These sum up a truly ground breaking philosophy. Opposite of what the world desires yet the nature of God's heart. It is an attitude that recognizes that everybody is equal and precious and that if we reach out beyond our own personal bubble the quality of life improves in and around us. These are sayings we should remind ourselves everyday for with it comes a fullness of life. This satisfaction is what those seeking to be in first place are actually trying to find.

I have mentioned in an earlier post that touched upon the concept of seasons and how important it is to recognize that despite of what looks like conflict between two seemingly different truths, opposites attract, compliment, complete and are interdependent to each other. To bring these truths together they need to take turns. This taking of turns can also be known as a changing of seasons. "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."(Ecclesiastes 3:1)

But for just a minute let me be the "devil's advocate". When I once heard a sermon on the topic of the first shall be last and the last shall be first my silly mind conjured up a scene in which there were about ten christians in line at the RMV. The first one in line remembered the first/last virtue mentioned in the bible so he decided to be nice and let the next person go as he proceeded to the end of the line. The next person followed suit as well as the next and the next and so on until the first person circled back to first place again.

Could it be that there is a time to be first and a time to be last? and could it be that there is a time to recieve as well as give? I just looked at the bible and it says "But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first." (Matthew 19:30). Other verses leave out the word "many". This tells me that the season in which we recieve and are in first place should only be a very short season but it should still happen. It's okay to indulge every now and then but if that season goes for too long the quality of life decreases and God will seem distant.

Mr. Skywalker

2007-05-23T17:11:00.000-07:00

You scored as Luke Skywalker, Eager to help the rebel alliance and begin Jedi training, but unwilling to sacrifice those you care about for your own goals. You have high ideals and believe you can achieve them by following your heart. Now if only you can get your ship out of the mud.

Padme Amidala

75%

Luke Skywalker

75%

Han Solo

69%

Leia Organa

69%

Obi-Wan Kenobi

69%

Yoda

63%

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader

63%

Darth Maul

56%

Palpatine

50%

Boba Fett

44%

Which Star Wars character would you be? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

Grace

2007-05-21T21:49:00.001-07:00

Grace is what brought me to Jesus. Grace is what keeps me with Jesus. Even though I may pursue Jesus it's a pretty lame pursuit compared to others and infinitely lamer than God's pursuit of me. Thankfully He comes to me where I'm at.

I am a sinner. I am aware of certain sins that plague me. I am also sure that there is sin within me that I am not aware of but God is completely aware of but does He convict me of every wicked part of my heart? If He did I think I would literally shatter. I would explode and implode all at the same time. God is holy, infinite and way too much for me and He knows it. So He feeds me truth little by little coated in love so I can swallow it. There are times that I go through the painful process of receiving conviction from God. This is good. I am usually too chicken to ask God to convict me of sin that I do not know I have. It's kind of like praying for patience. Be carefull of what you ask for, right?

Truth and Love are useless without the other yet I have come to the conclusion that love trumps truth 51 to 49. So if I know that God is patient with me and convicts me with the truth about myself in a very slow manner who am I to dump truth carelessly on someone else?... I should also be weary of thinking of myself too highly because of the fact that I believe I have found/know truth. I have learned (and am in the process of learning) that when someone puts me on the spot and asks me a direct question that demands a direct answer concerning controversial topics this sometimes means there is a deeper question underneath what they are asking. A question that reveals their heart and it's doubts, frustrations, insecurities etc. An answer that tends to the heart is the correct answer. This takes a heart like Jesus to discern.

Lord, I do not deserve life with you yet I'm pursued by you. Thank you! Could I please have some of this grace of yours so I can live like you and with you and with others.
In Jesus' name, amen

Questions on Blessing

2007-05-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

Why is that God blesses some and not others?

Why does God heal some and not others?

Would a perfect world really have everybody to have equal amount of material wealth? I don't think that's the answer.

Does God really reward those who seek His kingdom first with a definite financial blessing?
Perhaps sometimes He does but certainly not everytime.

Can a rich person be both righteous and rich at the same time? I think it's possible. Job was righteous and rich.

Why does God allow those who struggle with the basic needs of life remain in their struggle? This question leads to those who have enough to give I guess.

Now of course blessing does not just imply material wealth but money still talks and America speaks it's language all too well. I am still of the opinion that spiritual blessing is the best of all.

I will ponder these and other related questions for the rest of my life and trust that God alone is wise and good and that we may never fully understand.

Celebrity Time!

2007-05-16T19:40:00.000-07:00

Supposedly this is who I look like on one of my more dapper days.

...and this is who I supposedly look like on one of my more dopey days.

Rudy Giuliani and John Ritter?! Since Hayden Christensen scores on both pictures I say he wins. Though I don't know what I think about that either.

Bugged Out

2007-05-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

I've been acting stranger than normal, if you've noticed do not be alarmed. I have nothing to complain about because there is a bunch of great stuff about to happen. Sometimes it feels like too much at the same time. Does that make sense? The excitement can make one twitch. Praise God! my strength and joy.

Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.
(Phillipians 2 something ~message)

Processing

2007-05-10T20:58:00.000-07:00

These are the most significant virtues that I have taken from last weekend's conference. God: for people who hate church.

1. I have acquired a greater love for the church as in the body of believers in Christ not the building. This love extends to all traditions, expressions, methodologies, denominations, etc... everything.

2. I have come to a greater awareness that the Holy Spirit is working and moving amongst every human and community, whether they have been exposed to the Gospel or not and if they have, whether or not they accepted the Gospel or not. Everyone.

Gargoyles, Lava & New Wineskins

2007-05-06T12:58:00.000-07:00

The conference "God: for people who hate church" kicked my butt, mentally, spiritually and even physically. Not that I was serving behind the scenes all that much (Credit and thanks go to all our friends from Streams Ministries, a HUGE support). During the duration of the conference my brain and spirit were being stretched in new ways. I would go to bed and I could not fall asleep because I needed to process my thoughts and emotions in a half-comotose prayer state.

The theme that stuck out the most for me was when the concept was brought up that all of humanity is longing to find something solid, something trustworthy. I find this is true but paradoxically can and cannot be found at the same time. Tony Jones said something like "once we find our "mission statement" we can look at it and realize it's not really the case. Some insights, visions and passions may still ring true but seasons pass and life can be very ambiguous at times." He compared the Gospel to lava. Lava is scary yet we are still attracted to it. It continually comes out of the earth in places and than dries to a crust. After the hardening, it then starts to come out elsewhere.

If this lava analogy describes a lot of what the emergent movement can be like I think the pentecostal analogy of new wineskins is very similar. This analogy uses wineskins which were in ancient times used to store wine. They would then be discarded as soon as the skin would harden & dry and a new one would take it's place in order to recieve new wine or in other words, a new movement of the Holy Spirit.

Pastor Phil asked Tony Jones during the Q & A time basically how could the emergent and pentecostal movements can come together and find common ground. This question resonates with my heart because I, (for whatever reason) am most attracted towards emergent and pentecostal expressions of faith. I find this ironic because my personality and temperment differs from those personalities usually associated with emergent and pentecostal. I can have a kind of scandinavian stoicism that contrasts with the boisterous pentecostal and I am pretty simple minded(in a good way) when it comes to intellectual stuff. I have no degree other than a high school diploma. Intellectualism seems to be one of the main characteristics of the emergent movement. Still, I would consider myself pentecostal/emergent, go figure.

I am a firm believer that God comes to us where we're at. It's what grace is all about. So naturally that would look different when we compare individuals, congregations, denominations, cultures etc.... Despite the differences the Gospel remains the same.

The conference was opened with Phil's gargoyle song "Cum tacent Clament". He used the gargoyle as a kind of mascot for the church (quite a controversial mascot huh?). He could explain the significance better than I. The funny experience(I like to find humor in life, I think God has a great sense of humor) that I wanted share was during the singing of the this song. Gargoyles have their name because of the french word used for spit which sounds like "gargle". Gargoyles were placed on cathedrals to tell a story but also as a gutter that drips water hence the name "Gargoyle". I (Carl) was joining Carlos in singing a vocal part while Carly was drawing a picture of a gargoyle. Both in practicing and performing this song I was spitting a lot accidently. I even spit on Carlos once. Woops!. Another funny thing that happened was Tony Jones mentioned the People get ready song in describing one of the points he wanted to give. He said that all of us probably heard the Rod Stewart version. Sure enough, when I came home and walked inside, my mother in-law was listening to Rod Stewart's version of People get ready.

I will stop my ramble... and have a full night sleep tonight.

Perks of the Job

2007-05-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

Who will join with me in trying to convince OSHA that these slides must be a mandatory feature for every exit out of the workplace?

A nervous look back

2007-05-01T05:02:00.000-07:00

I was nervous about last night for awhile. It really wasn't that bad. Feelings of false guilt, insecurity and social anxiety became tiny pricklers of torture for a couple days preceding yesterday, so small I did not consciously know it.

My wife and I met up with a good number of people from our last congregation, some of whom we had not seen or talked to since we "suddenly" said goodbye one sunday. The meeting was for people to meet the new pastor who will start in a couple of months. Seeing everybody and talking and praying with them was big therapy for me. All those negative and false feelings are wiped away as far as I know. This was one of the hardest decisions that my wife and I have made. It also one of the best that we have made. That is not an insult but a recognition that following God's will is the best thing to do. I praise God for my past and my future.

I hate church?

2007-04-29T21:43:00.000-07:00

I love church. I am a church dork. My own personal bubble is a microscopic(and northern)version of the bible belt. So I ask myself "Why am I going to this conference named, God for people who hate church?" "I don't hate church". Oh yeah, so I can let God be Himself and bust out of the box I have stuffed Him in, consciously or not.

Lord, please show us yourself in power and wisdom this coming weekend. Surprise us in conviction and love! In Jesus name, amen

seasons for everything under heaven

2007-04-19T19:34:00.000-07:00

It's that weird time again. Winter has past but the radiance of spring in it's full glory has not yet come. Half of this past month seems to have been covered in a thick blanket of grey. These clouds can bring with them a calming effect, it can also influence a more negative vibe like depression or anxiety. I think the prior was God's intention, the latter is the result of our fallen nature. Still God turns it into His greater good. I tend to bottle up my issues inside. This is unintentional and does not become apparent to me until some hardship comes my way and then wham! I'm spilling my guts out. They needed to come out and God knew it. It just took me five days of no sun to get it out of me.
Praise God for I am back to calm again. And I am very excited because if I remember correctly the green buds on the trees will start coming out next week.

I love where I live. God has gifted me and my neighbors with four beautiful seasons. I could not imagine what life is like with less and I don't want to. I love the ups and downs of new england weather which is strange because (most days) I am a very steady person. I can be almost mechanical in my day to day routine. With help in initiation I can be a lot like the energizer bunny. I just keep on going and going and going. My wife on the other hand is quite the opposite. She keeps me on my toes and I love her for that! She is a visionary filled with beautiful, creative and thoughtful thoughts. It's like she is saying "Hey what do you think about this?!" and I say "I don't know, I just want to know what I'm supposed to do for the next hour". God has a sense of humor as well as a heart for romance. I am passionate for Melissa for she gives me passion for life unlike anyone else other than the divine himself.

Opposites attract, compliment, complete and are interdependent to each other. Yet I have found that they need to take turns. This taking of turns can also be known as a changing of seasons. King Solomon said that "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."(Ecclesiastes 3:1) Even though this wise saying was spoken by Solomon it had to be originated from the Spirit of God. I have found strength, comfort and counsel in it a countless number of times. In my relationship with God, in my marriage and with everything else under heaven.

I haven't fully come to a clear understanding of a burden that has been on my heart for almost as long as I have been pursuing Jesus. My burden is the lack of unity within Jesus' family of followers and the lack of simple faith, service, spirituality etc. It is more of an "abstract head knowledge" right now, if that makes sense. I never liked labels or being labeled. I've never liked the fact that there are denominations but I have appreciated immensely the traditions and the wealth of spiritual goodness within each denomination. I also don't like buzz words. There's buzz words out there like emergent, missional, relevant etc. These are also labels so the annoyance is two-fold. These labels ironically define people like myself with burdens like I just mentioned so I naturally fall into the emergent name... I guess. I still don't think I could see myself calling myself "emergent".

Anyways, my point is that each tradition or group of the church has good points as well as bad points. The bad points must be picked out and thrown away, not because of one's preference or taste but because of prayerful discernment within a community of very different people. This requires that we need to actually get together and really engage in loving community. One tradition/group usually has one or two points(I'll call it virtues instead)that seems to contradict with another tradition's/group's virtues. Let me explain.

For example, Relational Family Oriented Church vs. Word of Faith Church. The relational model encourages honesty, transparency and embraces a messy kind of spirituality. The word of faith model encourages resolve and perseverance and embraces the power of thinking positively, speaking positively thus through God's assistance bringing the positive into reality. The word of faith christian looks at the relational christian and says "It's time to move on! Stop moping around feeling sorry for yourself and believe in God's promises". While the relational christian looks at the word of faith christian and says "Hey listen. It's obvious you're hurting. Be honest with yourself and grieve. Admitting denial is the first step to healing". A spiritual father of mine once said(actually I think he said it dozens of times)"God answers prayer in His time and in His order".
There is a time to grieve and there is a time to move on and stand on God's promises. They must take turns. At first glance they look like they conflict but in light of Solomon's words they complete each other.

Maybe more on this later.

April

2007-04-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

Something weird happened today. I squinted. There was an unidentified object up in the sky. It's brightness frightened me but I than felt a warmness. It was great.

The God of what's not in the bible

2007-04-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

As a good biblical conservative evangelical christian, I consider everything in the bible to be the infallible word of God. I set my standards of spirituality, morality, sexuality and every "ality" that I know of upon the bible. When some idea or philosophy comes around that is not found in the bible it is the evangelical's tendency to frown. >:( So I do.... sometimes. Just kidding. :) Smiling is better. All us christians need to lighten up every now and then.

The bible has a lot in it. Perhaps it's depths are limitless. Still it's missing a lot. For a silly example, cats rule! but they're not found anywhere in the bible. Does the good evangelical choose to not believe in them? I hope not. Same goes with judgement of right and wrong as well as science and fact. As christians we must seek truth in the extra biblical. One easy guideline in this is that extra biblical truth will never conflict with biblical truth.

There are times in our life that can be really complicated and confusing and the bible does not give us detailed instructions on how to deal. The bible is easy enough to understand that the simplest person can comprehend it. God meant it that way but it should not stop there. When trials come our way we can read over bible verses that really spoke to our hearts back in them good ole days and get nothing from them. But if we persevere with patience and prayerfully read the bible, slowly, even repeatedly we can find the Spirit of God behind the words. Than from those words God can breathe new life into us and our situation, wherever that may be.

Lord, I need to read the bible more. Help me. Amen.

Israel

2007-04-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

There have been some major father figures in my life, spiritually and literally speaking, who are close to if not totally considered christian zionists. What I mean by a christian zionist is a follower of Jesus with a deep reverance and appreciation for the jewish race and their rich religious culture, history and home land called Israel. Why all the commotion over this tiny percentage of the world's population called the jewish people and why all the commotion over such a tiny piece of land called Israel when compared to the rest of the world? Why is there so much anti-semitism and why was Jesus (a jew) rejected by many jews?

Christian zionism seems to have grown immensely during the past hundred years as well as the number of jewish christians. The concept of jews being God's chosen people can be very controversial. Are not all of us "chosen" by God to follow him? So why does God call the Jewish people the apple of his eye? Replacement theology teaches that the jewish race, which was once known as God's chosen people, have now been replaced by the muli-racial body of Christ. Christian zionism in it's most extreme form still acknowledges that Jews are set apart as God's chosen people.

Gentiles (nonjews) are "branched in" as the apostle Paul mentions but there is a richness, mystery and sense of wonder to the jewish law and tradition especially when we consider that Jesus was the fulfillment of it all. Another thing to consider is the possibility that someone who's ethnicity is not jewish can become a religious jew, observing the traditions and holidays. I plan on doing some more research on this all these matters but my opinion so far is that the truth falls in between replacement theology and the extreme forms of christian zionism.

What do you think?

"Velvet Elvis Under Investigation"

2007-04-09T20:32:00.000-07:00

Rob Bell's book "Velvet Elvis" struck a major chord within me this past fall. It was a well needed word to me for where I was at spiritually.

I have come across a bible scholar named Ben Witherington. He is a professor of new testament interpretation at Asbury Theological Seminary. A major brain who I sense has a heart close to God's. Here you can find an honest yet loving critique of Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis in his blog.

The Passion

2007-04-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

Two or three good fridays later and I'm still too chicken to watch Mel Gibson's "The Passion" again.

calling all rabbis for help

2007-04-01T19:30:00.000-07:00

Peter's Confession of Christ ~ Matthew 16

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"
They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets."
"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." Jesus replied, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter,and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. 1I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." Then he warned his disciples not to tell anyone that he was the Christ.

So there is the scripture verse. What is the proper interpretation? I have come across a couple different takes on it. These are my basic/fuzzy descriptions. Don't quote me but please help me out.

A. This has been used in teachings for spiritual warfare. This interpretation believes that the binding and loosing is an authority over demonic powers that a believer in Jesus (Peter being the first to confess belief out loud) has been given.

B. While reading Rob Bell's "Velvet Elvis" I came across his interpretation of this verse and his take on it was that it was referring to what is known as a rabbi's yoke. A rabbi's yoke is a respected rabbi's interpretation on a certain biblical verse. Jesus, who is a rabbi, has said something along the lines "You have heard it been said but now I tell you....". A rabbi with proper authority would than bind or loose an interpretation as he sees fit.

I came from a spiritual upbringing that would definitely affirm the first interpretation but I had no problem with this take on the verse either. I also found it ironic that a verse that I was having slight difficulty in finding an interpretation was about interpreting bible verses...possibly. Perhaps there can be an integration of intepretations?

C. This verse could probably used as a scriptural basis for the roman catholic doctrine of papal infallibity/authority. Since I consider that belief to be stupid if not heretical(pardon by protestantism, I respect roman catholicism a lot)I kind of need to know what it means to refute this take.

Any feedback would be appreciated. I am very interested.

I'm Back!

2007-03-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

Phew! I made it. Two weeks without easy internet access. Now I am back. It really wasn't that hard at all.

virtual community

2007-03-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

The internet is a wonderful thing. It expands ones sphere in communication and the sharing of information. It is a blessing and a curse. For me, entering the blogworld has been a very enlightening experience. I have exercised my mind to a healthy spot.. I hope. A year ago today my spiritual mind was pretty mushy. This may sound selfish but I blog mostly for myself. I admit it I am vain sometimes. I like to see my own thoughts written out or listen to my own recordings. Everybody's vain in one way or another whether they know it or not. On that note let me say that I think that it's okay if it's in a healthy measure.

God's spirit does speak through the blog and I can testify. At the same time I sense a danger within the virtual community phenomenon. While posting and commenting has exercised my thinker it has done me a great disservice in my development within the art of dialogue. Some may say I'm a good listener which may be true but part of it (percentage is up to the beholder) is because I find it easy to stumble over my own words therefore I shy from talking.

I wondered if the apostle Paul lived today would he blog? I think so! He would probably also see it's limitations as well. To me, nothing beats looking someone in the eye and seeing them smile(or not)and listening to their audible voice speak and physically sensing a human touch to boot(handshakes and hugs). Reading the word of God in a book or in a blog is great. Hearing it out loud is better.

Let's never forget to meet up with each other.... in person.... savvy?

my other thing

2007-03-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

this is my new thing my other thing

MelZoe

2007-03-09T22:03:00.000-08:00

I am a wannabee blogger. I am late in the game but I don't care. My wife just started too and I think that's cool. I may be bias because she's my wife but I think she has a beautiful mind and spirit, her thoughts and emotions are more interesting than any movie or book. OK I'm being mushy so I'll stop. Check her blog out at melzoe

Superstar

2007-03-09T20:53:00.000-08:00

I loathe the seemingly constant putdowns of christians in movies these days. I love movies but get agitated with these scenes. Many of these putdowns are understandable because of the actions and lack of love within us christians. Still the ratio of putdowns compared to genuine portrayals of genuine christians is far innaccurate to reality. This gives christianity and Jesus a bad reputation.

Still within all of these putdowns I think a couple of them are pretty darn funny. The movie I saw tonight was "Superstar" starring will Will Ferrel. He plays a hippie-like Jesus that Mary, the main character, has visions of. Though this is near the blasphemy line I think it's hilarious. There is also a scene in "The Italian Job" which shows the computer savvy thief who after learning how much gold his team has just stolen yells in ecstatic joy only to have all in the airportstare at him like he's a lunatic. He notices and claims "yeah...uh I got the holy spirit" very giddily.
Very funny. You gotta watch it to know what I mean.

(side note: I looked up in the dictionary to see if I spelled the word giddily right and look what I found.)

4. to make or become giddy.
[Origin: bef. 1000; ME gidy, OE gidig mad (as var. of *gydig), deriv. of god God, presumably orig. “possessed by a divine being”]
just thought that was interesting.

wisdom

2007-03-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

Coming from one of the books of the bible that I read the least is a few verses that I think are one of the wisest words that has ever been said or heard. I think about this verse not necassarily often but at least once a season. This can be an easy or even obnoxious answer to life's problems and difficulties but for some reason when I speak it to myself I seem to always find comfort. It's also a kick butt song no matter how hokey it may seem.

Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

hokeyness is godliness... at least for me.

2007-03-05T19:15:00.000-08:00

I think it's time to tick off my own carnal nature. Perhaps yours too. I try to stay away from being opinionated. I think I do alright (please let me know if I'm ever opinionated). I have been thinking about opinions and taste lately. Namely taste in music. I was complimented on my diverse taste in music by a friend and it got me thinking about thoughts I have had before. We all have certain types of music that we like. We have our dislikes as well. What if I was to say that we should like all types of music? Let me ask the cliche/excellent question of What would Jesus do? Or in other words what kind of music would Jesus like the best? I'd have to say all kinds. Shouldn't we strive for the same? or maybe just an appreciation, I don't know.

I do confess that I let the compliment puff up my ego a little if you couldn't tell already. On top of that I must also confess that despite my diverse taste in music there are still genres that make me a little sick. Disco, Southern Gospel and some forms of Contemporary Christian I find hard to listen to and to not make fun of. Most of that stuff appears to be hokey to me.

The same train of thought can be used with personal relationships, christian traditions and denominations, art, movies, food, etc. We may find certain things to have the appearance of hokeyness or that we just plain disagree with. I don't like olives but I try them every now and then (once every five years) just to see if my taste buds have changed. They haven't yet but I do have an appreciation for people who do like their taste and I can now atleast like them in pizza. Cut up into tiny pieces. I'm rambling now.

So tomorrow I will go out and buy the BeeGees, the Gaithers and Point of Grace....
Just kidding. That would be missing the point. By the way. You should hear Ozzy's version of "stayin alive". Cool stuff.

Lord God give us joy, wisdom, humility and a heart of worship when we consider the diversity of Your creation and the many colors of Your absolute truth. In Jesus' name, amen.

Virtual Warfare

2007-03-01T20:18:00.000-08:00

No. I'm not obssessed with the word "warfare"... well perhaps a little. The word warfare implies conflict and the word conflict implies the presence of evil which then implies our dependancy on God. Anyways! Even though I'm torn on the issue of war I must confess I love video games that include combat. There is a free online game called "America's Army" that a friend of mine was talking to me about last weekend when we had a bunch of friends over for a party to beat those winter blues. He said that the army basically provides everything for this game and so it's free to play and supposedly really really good, on the same likes of those Rogue Spear games (can you smell recruiting agenda?). I have no time to play it though so I'll just take his word for it.

methodism and adolescence

2007-02-25T11:33:00.000-08:00

By the time I reached 8th grade my parents were getting the vibe that it was time to move on from the episcopal church. They say that one of the biggest reasons was because of me. They wanted to see me in a youth group of teenagers which was non existant where we were. During this time of decision for my parents we visited a new church. There were two methodist congregations in Salem at that time and both were pastored by the same person. We visited one of those congregations and the only thing I remember was the pastor. He reminded me of George Bush, Sr. Not the actual George Bush but the one played by Dana Carvey on saturday night live. This guy was so animated! Of course in my 13 year old attitude I thought to myself how much of dork he was. It was this same man who's leadership and friendship was one of the most influential in my life. This fool in my eyes was God's instrument used to change the bratty teenager that I was.

Between our first and second visit the two congregations merged and began having all their services at the church we did not visit. We visited this newly merged church again and I remember it quite well. Before the service as my family and I were getting ready I did something to get my parents upset with me. They did the parent thing and grounded me or something and so I was in a horrible mood. I pouted all the way there and all the way through the service. I remember I would catch myself not pouting and then intentionally make myself pout. Service ended and youth group was right after it. My parents asked me if I would like to go. They made me go to church but I think the option was open whether I wanted to go to youth group or not. I noticed some friends from school and even my neighborhood were a part of this group so naturally I said yes and went. This again was a life changing event. That youth group leader was incredibly influential and dear to my heart. I had a genuine good time and was even invited to a weekend get away to someone's cabin. My parents took all this involvement of mine as a sign that this was where they were supposed to be.

This congregation was not your average new england methodist church. There was organ music and guitar music. Hymnals and praise and worship stuff. Liturgy and spontaneity. I was also noticing a lot more animated people doing a lot more animated stuff, like raising hands and randomly praying in the middle of service or saying "amen!". This was my first exposure to pentecostalism. I remember some friends of mine who visited the church were talking about this peculiar form of worship. This guy complained "Why do they have to act like they're having an orgasm when they pray?!". This got my attention not only because he said the "O" word in church but because I noticed I was at odds with him. I noticed that even though I wasn't an animated or emotional person I found myself being open to this phenomenon or in christianese "open to the holy spirit".

This group of methodists was a very diverse one. Diverse in personality and age.
This diversity showed me that God the holy spirit moved in and through people of different temperments so I didn't necassarily have to act like someone who wasn't me in order to relate to God in this passionate way, just be myself. Many of these people are my family and will always be family despite my departure.
I believe it was continued exposure to the working and moving of the holy spirit through the preaching, worship and relationships which was key to my spiritual growth. Even though my parents made me go to church and I wasn't there emotionally, mentally and even spiritually my sitting there in the pew, observing all that was going on, I eventually found myself taking part in it here and there.

that is just a tiny tiny taste of my methodist days.